Out: Crying in the Club In: Crying in El Jardín

Hey, Team.

Full disclosure: I am writing in a heightened emotional state (lol). I evacuated from the fires, returned from evacuation, the air is poison, the winds are picking up again. The dew is on the lily. There is a permanent catch in my throat. I’m going to cry at any moment and am desperate to beat the shit out of no less than ten billionaires. It’d be more but I can’t walk twenty feet without needing my inhaler, so ten will have to do. I remember when Chernobyl came out and I collapsed into tears, declaring myself and the rest of mankind murdered, our killers at large and actively slaughtering us for profit. Then the pandemic hit, and the same murderers pivoted to a different weapon for a time. But now it’s back to basics, isn’t it? Burn the land, poison the waters, sterilize the people, build bunkers to hide from the consequences. I hope you choke on a peach pit in your bunker. I hope there is a security team you brought in to be your servants, and I hope they stand back and watch as you purple and sputter and claw at your throat. I hope you stare into their unfeeling faces, the capillaries in your pleading eyes bursting, rimming your irises with dark blood. Slobber and beg as you expire, you earned it. For you, I will set aside my belief in rehabilitation and reintegration. To me, you are special. You are irredeemable. You are a blight. You are a cancer. Choke. Choke. Choke.

I guess TikTok is dead? Or dying? I have next to zero presence on that platform. I will mourn the language resources that my algorithm brought to me like little gifts of dead mice on my doorstep. You wouldn’t believe how helpful videos of a little granny chattering away to the camera about the weather, plants, her car, the food she’s prepared, etc in Anishinaabemowin can be. A flood of Spanish speakers from a myriad of nations revealing local quirks and colloquialism, and fellow no sabo kids sharing their language learning journey have been invaluable. Also there have been some choice fart jokes along the way.

And then, just as creators that had found community and livelihoods via this app were posting their goodbyes, something happened. A piece of art was released that triggered a mass connection event. DeBÍ TiRAR MáS FOToS, the sixth solo studio album by Bad Bunny, flooded the digital airwaves just as Southern California became ravaged by fires. Fires burning at a scale that can only be attributed to a rape of the climate led by capitalistic greed, resource theft, and shitty fucking AI. DeBÍ TiRAR MáS FOToS is a love letter to Puerto Rico and a condemnation of those that seek to subdue the island and sell the earth out from under the feet of its people. So obviously it resonated with a fuckload of people.

I’m writing as a Hispanic American, someone so white that there’s not a single reality where I don’t float through existence under the protection of being perceived as One Of Us by the ruling socioeconomic class. I’ve only recently started to come around to feeling even remotely comfortable describing myself as Latinx, but fall back very often to Hispanic as that is simply met with less incredulity. I’m writing as a very white person who is struggling to reconnect with a heritage that did everything in its power to wipe itself out in the name of protecting its proximity to whiteness. I am writing as a tourist, essentially.

The timing of this album, dropping on the fifth of January, immediately followed by the devastating and still-burning fires in southern California, is astounding to say the least. It’s rare to be provided a piece of art that can capture exactly what its audience is feeling exactly when they are feeling it. Altadena, an area with a very large Black population that had attained home ownership and been acquiring generational wealth, has been decimated. The threat of the land being bought out from under these families looms large. Pennies on the dollar theft grinds and clicks in the machine– US imperialism eats its own. It is, after all, a bandit settler nation founded upon lies, genocide, broken treaties, and sneaking backdoor deals designed to rip the livelihoods away from anyone who isn’t an already-wealthy white man. The pain is the point; every action inflicted carries the extra barb of intentional degradation. If you are a landowner in Altadena, do not. Sell. Your land. Rent gouging has spread with as much ferocity as the flames still devouring the county. I will refrain from saying something that might get me in trouble (hilarious to pull back after the opening paragraph but whatever). For no reason at all I want to share that my favorite Nintendo Switch game is Luigi’s Mansion. I think it’s really neat how he eradicates the ghosts, taking on a dangerous task that will guarantee that they no longer pose a threat to the health and safety of any future residents of the building.

Like I said to a friend in a “hey how are you doing? does your apartment still exist??” check-in chat, Benito has yet to let me down. This album is a banger, a no skip album. It’s tightly produced, the songs are beautiful and engaging. It’s a “y’all don’t want to hear me, you just want to dance.” kind of album. It’s vulnerable and personal, but spreads its arms wide to display the bigger picture– these individual hurts are symptomatic of a broader harm being inflicted on communities. Within days it became, as I described it earlier, a mass connecting event. There’ve been some trends that I’ve come across on my FYP that have been particularly evocative and fascinating. Notably, the DtMF trend. Using a CapCut generated edit, users post photos and videos of lost loved ones, celebrating the time they had with them while mourning the time lost or wasted. I’m of two minds about this because I simply can’t take something as it comes like a normal fucking person. On one hand, I am so moved by this vulnerability, this sharing of common experience with a community. We all mourn and we all love, it is beautifully human when we come together to celebrate the life of a stranger on behalf of another. On the other hand, I am troubled by the way we’ve been trained to be commodities in all contexts has set the stage for this trend to be, well, a trend. A meme. At best these trends are plumbing your pain for connection. And there has been success in this way. Sharing stories of elders and finding common experiences has been deeply affirming for otherwise disconnected folks. Again, I’m a tourist here. I’ve got my own mess about my disconnection but that’s (to oversimplify it) Mexican in origin. What Puerto Rico and its people experience is complex and undulating, hydra-like in nature. There is a devil’s bargain to weeping online. It is a risk to expose your heart to strangers in this way, there are people who do not want the best for others. There are those who will rush to comfort you, and those who leap at the chance to hurt you further. Protect your hearts. Remember that you do not have to post to be valid.

At worst, it’s taking advantage for clout. And that’s where the inevitable co-opting by white users. They either don’t understand or don’t care that the tribute of agony is for loved ones who have passed on, homes that have been muscled out by the violent settler gears of the US imperialist machine. Instead, it’s a catchy song and a fun edit to muse about a particularly gorgeous vacation they can’t believe is over. Get lost! Read the room! Read the room and get lost!

One that has been particularly touching is videos of the reactions of older relatives and parents listening to NUEVAYoL, and reaction videos of them watching the short film (starring Jacobo Morales) associated with the new album. Seeing parents, grandparents dance in their seats, their eyes flashing wide with delight when the song takes a thrilling turn at the 22 second mark, it’s stirring, there’s no other way to put it. A grandfather smiles to himself and shakes his head ruefully as he watches Morales attempt to buy some coffee and pastries. The elderly protagonist is hit with the sticker shock of gentrified pricing, the refusal of cash, and on top of everything the quesito is fucking sin queso. What can he do but laugh? I’m fucking livid.

My algorithm took note of what I stopped to watch, like and save. Soon I was fed videos posted by Puerto Rico-based accounts, being shown neighborhoods, slices of life, sketches, music. I can only assume the same has happened all across the user base who has given a moment’s thought to this album, leading to the next phenomena: The flip flop of public opinion on Puerto Rico. Puerto Ricans have historically been treated like shit by US mainlanders, but as soon as this banger album comes along, wow! An adoration for the beautiful coasts, the people, the food, the language, etc etc etc. It’s trendy. It’s not love, it's greed. It’s not appreciating, it’s coveting. This album is booming and I’m forced to look at people bragging about buying “cheap” property in Puerto Rico. Then these same freaks emphasize a “buy now!” message because the prices are only going up. Gee, I wonder why the prices are going up, you fucking plague?

The “dating Kendall Jenner radicalized Bad Bunny” take has floated into my awareness, much to my chagrin and the detriment of all within earshot of me. Yes, yes, it’s a good joke/actually canon event to date a non-latinx person then when that relationship ends bounce back more proud of your latinx heritage than ever before, sure. Sure. But have you not paid attention to anything that has ever come out of his mouth since day one of being an artist in the public sphere? He’s always been an advocate for Puerto Rico, this passionate about his homeland, his people, his culture. His art is a weapon in the fight for sovereignty under the greedy, slobbering dog mouth of US imperialism. Kendall Jenner is a footnote, not the headline.

The whole album rocks my shit but these are some personal faves:

NUEVAYoL

BAILE INoLVIDABLE

PERFuMITO NUEVO

CAFé CON RON

LO QUE LE PASÓ A HAWAii

DtMF

And a special acknowledgement to the spoken word opening of LA MuDANZA, actually the whole song LA MuDANZA. It’s really hard to narrow down a favorite on this album. I told you it’s no skip. I’m not kidding.

I’m starting to lose steam. But am still frothing at the mouth? Girlhood (gender neutral) is a spectrum.

Mutual Aid LA - for resources on how to help communities affected and recovering from the fires (and also how to care for the LA community in general)

https://mutualaidla.org/

Hawaii Health & Harm Reduction www.hhhrc.org

ʻŌlelo Hawaii Language Revitalization Resources

https://www.hawaiian-study.info/

There’s also a beta program on Duolingo but please note that the beta language programs are rudimentary, also please consider the use of AI in programs like Duolingo and weigh your options accordingly.

Puerto Rico Mutual Aid groups:

https://redapoyomutuo.com/

https://www.tallersalud.com/

Taino Language Revitalization Resources:

https://www.casaareyto.com/

https://www.tainoconference.org/

Bite-size discussion of DeBÍ TiRAR MáS FOToS from NPR: https://www.npr.org/2025/01/10/nx-s1-5250287/bad-bunny-debi-tirar-mas-fotos-political-puerto-rico

Even if AI actually created something beautiful, wrote impressive work, utilized information to accurately present legal arguments, the environmental price still wouldn’t be worth it. The fact that all it does is churn out absolute dogshit is just insult to injury.

A cousin of posting deeply vulnerable content for the sole purpose of interaction is the confessional essay that gained notoriety on sites like Jezebel and the Awl. All pretense of self-reflection flew away in favor of writing the most shocking and exposing pieces, revealing parts of the author that never should have seen the light of day. Maybe it should have seen the light of day as it filtered in through a therapist’s window.

For those curious, I evacuated to Orange County. I cried on the way down because in our haste I’d left an icon of Nuestra Dama Guadalupe that’d been gifted to my great grandmother Lupe by her brother, he’d written a short note to her on the back. I don’t cry often or easily, so this will be alarming to those who know me. I was upset! I thought I’d never see her again, so when I stopped at the Albertsons, I went in search of the international aisle to get a votive. Turns out they don’t have an international aisle at that Albertsons. Now, my experiences of being othered are few and far between, but shopping for a votive of La Virgen as a sign that reads “ETHNIC” in giant letters hangs over my head is … something. I guess “international” is too woke for Orange County. I got the votive and some sulfur spot treatment. For my ethnic acne.

My 2025 pickle journey has begun. After initially diverting the delivery because it was set to arrive at my apartment on the day that I evacuated the area (hey UPS what the fuck is wrong with you, I’ve been delighted by the selection I ordered from a local brand. Pickled garlic is really good!!!!!!!!!!! I’m excited to reuse the brine of my pickled beets to preserve some hard boiled eggs.

Language learning has been going well, all things considered. I didn’t exactly have the mental capacity to practice Spanish and Arabic while evacuating and sheltering away from the fires, but I’m definitely getting better at reading Arabic, which is very exciting. Also I unintentionally used an Arabic word genuinely believing it was an archaic English word. I was sleepy and a little strung out, forgive me.

We - Yevgeny Zamyatin

A Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula K. Le Guin

Practical Magic - Alice Hoffman

The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoyevski

Just finished Peacemaker. The way that Vigilante is so blorbo from my show. He’s like Deadpool without the Ryan Reynolds stink and sludge saturating the fibers of his spandex. Judomaster looks like escaped The Tick (compliment). Costumes are bulky, awkward and clearly a little uncomfortable to wear. It’s perfect. Superheroes should look a little stupid!

Nosferatu, baby!!!!!!!!! (Please see to Jan 03’s filler episode for more details)

The latest of the A Bit Fruity pod, “Blake Lively and the Amber Heard Effect.”

Are you kidding me obviously DeBÍ TiRAR MáS FOToS

Okay, that’s it for now. Talk with you again soon (threat).