You Already Know What I'm Going To Say

Ella McCay was worthless. As impossible as this next statement will seem, it is utterly true: they defanged Barbie. If a pussy hat were adapted into a film, it would have more bite, more edge, more focus than Ella McCay. What the fuck are we even doing here, man? Does James L. Brooks think women are interesting at all? Does he even believe women are capable of having an active role in their own lives? When Melvin Udall explained writing women characters thus: “I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability.” Did James L. Brooks agree?

Ella McCay stumbles to put on its sensible shoe as it calls out, “Look, we put a Woman(tm) in a position of Power(tm) and she hits some hurdles, but comes out smiling!” When the reality is, things just keep happening at her and around her. Ella’s (Emma Mackey, who can do so much better) role in her own life is merely reacting to these things while claiming she wants to do something. Then, whoop zoop time jump! She’s achieving something but we the audience have no actual idea what steps she took to get there. All we know is she made a bargain to quit in a little over a year, somehow passed career-making bills most politicians can only dream of achieving in a decade let alone 14 months, then quit. And apparently she likes not being in government anymore though it’s not clear why, other than the fact she’s smiling.

Allegedly she’s a tenacious Lieutenant Governor, someone who intimidates and aggravates all those around her, her own party members scattering to avoid her in the halls. When this happens, I have no idea, I only have the word of Governor Bill (Albert Brooks) on this. All I want from my lead character who insists she’s got a great idea is to see her actually put in the work to make it happen. Rather than just trusting that she’s trying, which apparently includes being annoyed that her mentor hasn’t been pushing her proposals on her behalf. Why aren’t we seeing her piss her coworkers off? Why are they only falling asleep? At the very least have her be reprimanded for attempting to get these bills passed while Governor Bill is still in office since this can-do pluck could only ever be misconstrued as insubordination (or whatever).

SPEAKING OF GOVERNOR BILL. Just say Obama. Just say it. “The administration…” Sir! We all know it’s 2008! We know this thanks to Estelle (Julie Kavner) managing to romanticize a time of political and economic turmoil with a boggling declaration: “The middle of the Great Recession. But, you know, in a way, a better time. We all still liked each other.” Ma’am what the fuck are you talking about? I digress.

It annoys me that Ella becomes governor because her boss took a promotion to join the cabinet of the pointlessly unnamed administration. It really annoys me that it wasn’t because she campaigned. It’d be so much more thrilling for her as a character, for the movie as a thing people paid to look at, if Ella campaigned against Governor Bill, her mentor, and had to grapple with just how dirty such a thing can get. It’s my personal belief that entering politics is the ambition of only the very naive or the very evil. So if we are to root for the very naive (Ella), we need to see them actually battling it out to achieve some good without ending up very evil. How deep can she dig? Would she dare smear him by revealing he has in his back pocket a bigger, better gig in the Artist Formerly Known As The Obama Administration? Would he fling mud right back at her with accusations of inappropriate conduct (fucking her dipshit husband)? Why not dig up her brother’s role in online gambling? Speaking of, does her brother pay taxes on that multimillion dollar take home? The mind reels. Placing her at odds with her mentor, giving her room to take action against him and attempt to outmaneuver the strategies of a political veteran, what a better story that would be. She has daddy issues, so why not compound them, you know?

Ella McCay utilizes one of the most annoying forms of Feminist(tm) story telling. What actually are her talents? Other than getting a good grade on a high school essay and being thin? All we have here is a very naive young woman getting buffeted around and only achieving anything by accident via narrated montage then cutting and running with no real explanation, just an assumption you’ll get it. We never see her getting scrappy, we never have visual proof she’s trying, we can only trust she’s the scourge of the sector because Bill told her everyone thinks she’s annoying. We don’t see anything close to these irritating interactions other than the dramatic sit down in her aunt’s bar where she agrees to (checks note) quit politics and never return. Huh? Huh??

The entire scene where she is high in her brother’s apartment was wasted real estate. Instead of her sweating and ranting at her Jim-Halpert-drawn-from-memory kin, do something interesting. She seems the type to truly believe she can will herself through a high. Actually, anyone who ran on criminalizing weed is the exact kind of major dork loser to think they can just buck up and power through it. Because she’s no burnout! If only she willed herself with such a mania that she sweats and rants at her fellow politicians, storming into offices and berating them. I yearn for Ella frantically donning and removing a sweater while bullying some pasty old fuck into chanting “tooth tutors.” What a nice and neat little way to make her problems go from bad to worse. First she lays with her husband, then rumors swirling that she was on something while she harassed her colleagues about kids with proper dental care having better educational prospects. And then, horror of horrors, she gets knocked out by a door or whatever that was in the third act. Whatever.

I just can’t believe this is about a woman keeping her heart tender when there’s no evidence of her heart ever being exposed to anything worse than the bitter reality of mortality. Sorry kiddo, lots of people lose their parents, try again. Bad dad to bad partner pipeline is also common and played out. Estelle says she’s nuts about her. Why, though? Other than keeping her employed, what has Ella actually done to truly wow Estelle? Quickly.

Is this just a misplaced awe at how Ella takes all this horseshit on the chin? Is it the fact that Ella is allowed to get a credit card without her husband’s signature? The simple fact that Ella’s career prospects are broader than homemaker or secretary has nothing to do with her ability and everything to do with it not being 1974. This pastel colored lean-in pathos makes me sick.

I turned my back on this movie pretty quickly, and Estelle was the catalyst. The moment she licks her thumb to fix Ella’s hair, I was done. An immediate no from me. I don’t care if the intent was to endear Ella to us. Its impact was infantilizing her and all it told me is that she’s a giant child that managed to, by the power of an encouraging note written in all caps on an essay, get into the executive branch.

Perhaps the issue is the fact this is a god damned governorship and we’re acting like we’re at a bake sale here. Maybe I’d be a little less miffed if she were deputy mayor, who knows. I just think, in terms of women characters in political stories, we can dream bigger than bumbling, and do better than warhawk.

Every woman, yes, even Aunt Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis) is so freaking passive.¹ All her unnamed mom (Rebecca Hall) does is cry. Jerking her arm away from Eddie (Woody Harrelson) isn’t enough for me. She watches her daughter play mother to her son with this simpering smile, like she’s a ghost, actually, watching from beyond the veil. Where is her depth? Wouldn’t someone who has been so heartily humiliated have an anger inside? Wouldn’t there be a bizarre and twisted guilt that she is not actually a mother but rather a slightly older woman crying in in different rooms while a child does her job for her? She should be calling Eddie a fucking prick to Ella’s face, anger and bitterness hardening into a determined diamond that her daughter doesn’t end up with a fucking prick just like her dad. Instead, when Ella rails against her father, her mother gulps down a sob and tells her to calm down or whatever. And then she dies.

Helen may be brusque, but her boundaries are squishy. Like, damn, letting Ella’s father even show up to no name mom’s wake was criminal. If Helen is such a hardened protector to Ella and Casey (Spike Fearn), she should kick Eddie out. Ella should be retreating to her room to sob because her dad thought he could come in and make the funeral about him and now he and her aunt are yelling in the yard. Instead it’s because some guy told her it’s great her dad is still alive. Frankly, there’s simply not enough throwing men out on their asses for Helen to truly be the character she is. And while we’re at it, I don’t think she should have ever given her blessing. Should’ve stuck to her guns that Ryan (Jack Lowden) is a shit person who sells shit pizza. Whatever.

So much of this movie could have been interesting if tweaked even the slightest bit. But whatever. Every moment, every plot point, every time Ella just gets knocked from point a to point b with zero propulsion from her own engine, just… whatever.

I don’t even have it in me to talk about the C plot relationship between Casey and Susan because what is there to even bother with? Ayo Edebiri looks very cute and she performs her role well despite how thin on the ground, vague idea of a person Susan is. I have no idea what Susan does for a living but her apartment is darling. Maybe it’s mentioned. Whatever.

The strongest point of the entire film is so early on, it gets forgotten in the slog of non-plot that follows. Rattled by his failure to reconnect with his daughter, Eddie asks his sister, “What is it gonna take to get people to realize I’ve changed?” Helen stares up at him, stony faced.

“Castration.”

I’m sure a lot of moms will get a good chuckle out of that.

Whatever.