Media I Consumed In Addition To Doomscrolling

Hey, Team. These are things I enjoyed while also witnessing the deepest depravity scooped from mankind’s bowels via Online. The internet is a part of our lives, whether you deny it or not. Logging off completely is for the stupid and the wildly privileged, which are often the same thing. So get a hobby or something, but I’m not holding your hand for this.

I lost my keys for a week. When I found them, I vowed to make them garish and hard to lose. So I hit up pickaparty¹ and got a couple little key chains. While selecting my little trinkets I realized I find Labubus cute now, which means Labubus are over. Also, I find something so delightful about the dead-eyed stare of Smiskis.² An item built for projection, that blank face could be expressing anything, there’s something so charming about the ambiguity. It is the opposite of Labubu, which has very clearly just done a stinky fart and can’t wait for you gag.

I continue to believe I’m bugged because while explaining blind boxes to a friend last weekend I said it will activate any latent gambler’s impulses. The gamification of trinkets has the added edge of risk, what if you open it and it’s the one you really didn’t want? What if it’s a Robby? The blood rushes, the vision narrows. C’mon, big money. You return again and again, studying the boxes, weighing them in your hands, having a “lucky” friend pick the box for you. These items are a tiny thrill sewn into your journey of self actualization. Good lord, you’ve just spent sixty dollars. Lo, articles about blind boxes being a part of the current epidemic of gambling addiction suddenly appear. I will not be linking them! I’m mad! I continue to be approximately a fortnight ahead of my time.

On Threads, a woman posted about the attic in the building she rents leaking a strange substance on the outside and a great deal of flies crowding the window. She mentioned a smell and that her landlord told her and her husband they cannot go into the attic. Previous posts on her account hint at her losing her appetite and generally feeling ill. This went the only way it could: chaos. It became viral, true crime aficionados flooded her replies, all seeming to agree immediately that there’s a human body up there, demanding updates from her in a deluge of entitlement. An AI summary of the trending topic determined it to be an out of control bee hive leaking honey. A random thing, you’d think, but in reality this is an aggregate of interaction with someone jokingly suggesting OP lick the ooze seeping from the building because it could be honey. AI continues to be a drooling buffoon jamming stubby fingers into an electrical socket and calling it innovation.

In the end, the level of pestering, conspiratorial thinking, and blunt invasion of privacy led her to delete the original post and ask to be left alone. This of course, is a sin. She’s now accused of faking the post, grifting, even. Whispers of a gofundme being opened then closed. Claims arose that the post was fake, the evidence of duplicity being OP’s choice to delete the post. Not once does anyone stop to think that turning a person’s livelihood into salacious entertainment might overwhelm and mortify. To be clear, this woman posted to ask if anyone knew from the images what it could be since she couldn’t check herself. She and her husband were already planning on moving, but wanted to know if this could help her case breaking lease. Too bad for OP we’re still operating within the solipsistic consumerism of lockdown internet. Internet, do your thing (terrorize a stranger for a dopamine hit with rapidly diminishing returns).

I’ve got screenshots but that’s for later, Team. For now, just two headlines:

Someone posting in earnest it’s a good thing Heath Ledger died because “we” couldn’t handle him as a silver fox.

Pedro Pascal seems to have a boyfriend or at least a man he’s dating and you guessed it: this was both made public seemingly without his consent and turned into a pity party for people who believe they own him somehow.

They’re either snoozing in a cuddle puddle, rough housing, or running around with a carcass. Perfect slow tv.

Reading has been gamified for me. E-Readers give me progression stats and with physical books I can ramp up the stimuli by highlighting and annotating. I do not like audiobooks, I simply cannot fully process information if I’m only hearing it.

The Dream Hotel; One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This; Katabasis; Sunburn; We Could Be So Good

Each one I would comfortably recommend.

The Age of Surveillance Capitalism; A Mass Conspiracy to Feed People (like I said before, it’s a little boring when you already agree food waste is bad and people shouldn’t get in trouble trying to redistribute resources); The Young Lords; Rebecca; Brimstone

I recommend The Young Lords, I enjoyed Rebecca because it stressed me out, Brimstone is stupid but fun and I won’t recommend it unless you’re into romantasy in which case it’s the second book in a series so bear that in mind. I may quit Surveillance Capitalism. Very early on in the book, it argues that People Are Like This by repeating the claim that the Taino thought the Spanish were gods. They absolutely did not think this at any point. I can’t really get over the disgust that churned in me after reading that, nor can I, for lack of a better word, believe the rest of what is written if that sort of falsehood is a foundational piece of the author’s argument.

American Splendor - movies used to be accessibly odd. There’s just something about first term Bush-era³ cinema that charms me. We really thought that was as bad as it could get, huh. How dare these modern ghouls make me nostalgic for the information and media landscape of the early 2000’s.

El Fanstasma del Convento - I wanted to watch a movie in Spanish, and it’s all fuckin DUBBED on criterion channel (“all” here being the one movie from the seventies I looked up first, I couldn’t find any option to watch in the original Spanish which p i s s e d m e o f f). This Gothic horror from the 30s was not dubbed. The soundtrack at times felt out of place but it also stuck in my mind so idk idk idk I liked it though.

Been watching Arrested Development. Previously I’d only seen Season One and Season Five. Season One because I had it on DVD, Season Five because I was the audio description narrator. My narration was scrapped because Netflix determined Ron Howard’s narration describes enough (I disagree). Tony Hale is an artist, Jessica Walter was a gift. I should have been kept on as an audio description narrator.

I vaguely recall One Tree Hill playing on the television in the senior lounge of my high school. I thought it was strange how the tall brunette guy seemed to be permanently 36. Now, because of events I will not disclose, I have been drip fed little tiny bits of information about the show. Team, what the fuck was One Tree Hill. Why was everyone getting hit by cars. I’m getting a box of Franzia Sunset Blush⁴ and locking in. One Tree Hill marathon will alter my brain chemistry for the better, I’m sure.

All the podcasts I listen to fall in the category of two people hanging out, so I refer to all of them as “my knuckleheads.” I’ve been really enjoying Good Noticings lately, the podcast hosted by comedians Ashley Hamilton and Claire Parker. It’s sort of like having someone summarize all the interesting articles you couldn’t read because they were paywalled. My other preferred pair of knuckleheads are the Afualo sisters of Two Idiot Girls. Goofy, angry, cutie, the shining jewel of my Tuesday.

Tilmony Chilmony said no one cares about the opera or ballet as if I’ve not been desperately trying to see a performance of Carmen here in Los Angeles for years— a performance, not a symphony playing select pieces... which tells me he’s not been checking the groupchat. Why does Los Angeles refuse to put on Carmen? What is this city/county’s issue with Bizet? Seattle’s performance of Carmen has a discount based around this whole fracas and I’m down here with nothing at all. Boooo. BOOOOOOOOOO

Okay, that’s all for now, Team. Talk soon (threat)!